dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
