i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
