I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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