Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
