Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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