new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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