Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
