I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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