If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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