"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
