She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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