Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
did i walk over a car last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
