My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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