I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
