remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
