I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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