DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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