So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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