tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
