I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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