I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize