Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
