This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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