if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
