I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
