I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
