We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize