I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
