i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
