I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
