Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
