he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
