I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
