I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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