did you get engaged???
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
