If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have feelings that need drinking.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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