____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize