I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
