remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
