I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this beer tastes like vomit already
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
