i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
