I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
