I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
