i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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