You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
