Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
