Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
