I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found your dick twin last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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