My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
