I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
