you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
