dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
