We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize