oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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