You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
