great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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