i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
