can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
