Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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