There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
