This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
