I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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