Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
