So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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