Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
