the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize