a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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