Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
