once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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