My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
