I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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