Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
