He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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