cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
