why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize