Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
