Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
