I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
