He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize