Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
