Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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