I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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