I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So much rum. So many feels.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
