well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
