Fine. I'll sleep in my office
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sarcasm needs its own font
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
