Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
