2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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