So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
