You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
