i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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