But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
